I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
