Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
