There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
