apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Its about making memories worth repressing
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
