Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
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some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm having to shit out rocks
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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