Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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