I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
