There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
