They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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