I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
