Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
