what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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