Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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