Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Randomize
