Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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