I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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