Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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