Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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