can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
