HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
