I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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