Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
