you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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