I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
