I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
