Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
