Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
