I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
