Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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