There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
