[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
