dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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