Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
