My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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