this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
