We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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