how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
