YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
