she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
