i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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