Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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