i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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