Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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