If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
