i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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