Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
