Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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