Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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