Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
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Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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