Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
