My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
