No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
