Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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