she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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