Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
