So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary