I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??