i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM