I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
operation have a gay friend backfired
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!