afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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