I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
