I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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