I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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