If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
