He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
