Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The air was thick with penises
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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