i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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