I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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