RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
