I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
