guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
