Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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