R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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