that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
