96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
