If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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