His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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