I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
