I'm lost and stupid without you.
She is in my trunk
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
