Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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