First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
