i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You are the jesus of drinking
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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