vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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