it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
