i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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